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It's been so long since I've written an actual online entry, that I feel the strings of writing uncertainty: which direction I should meander towards.

I've been a rubbertramp for months, meaning, I've been off exploring the world. That's what summers are for me.... (and no, I'm not a teacher)'s the time I unlock the binds of routine & normalcy and let myself (dragging daughters along for the ride) wander without intention, without plans and without destination. We visited several different states, we explored, I observed and took good notes. Best of all, I stacked fantastic memories sky high for me to pluck from during the gloomy winter hibernation months.

The last thing I embarked in before "officially" returning was my yearly sovereign into the wilderness. A time when I leave my daughters behind at home and intentionally subject my physical and mental ability to the limits.

It may seem obscure or perhaps a bit demented, but I have found no greater 'high' or clarity in life then when I am deep in the wilderness. It isn't until I start entertaining the thoughts, and I do often, that I could drop dead from pure exhaustion and physical pain, that another Rebecca inside me takes over, pushes me, encourages me, embraces me and I always make it out alive. Deep in Natures womb, I see more clearly, I hear every noise, I notice every color and most importantly, I connect with every piece of energy that is me.

By the time I return home I feel like I could catch bullets with my teeth, bounce a quarter off my ass and nothing could knock me off balance. Core strong. I just wish I could convince a few people I know to take such an adventure with me. I would love nothing more then to drop the unsure and unaware of themselves , at the top of a Mountain and tell them, "I'll see you 10 miles from here at the end of the day...".....and leave them completely alone.

If they didn't connect with their inner core by the end of that sort of therapy, I don't know what else would prove to them they are incredibly strong. I'm not referring to a physical strength, but the ability our mind and body, and I believe every single person has, to push past the barrier between presumed mind limitations and discovering an entirely new level of power. That is clarity..........

I've come to realize something about myself, over time, as I've gotten older. It's a damn good thing I have children. I'm pretty certain if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be online right now, I wouldn't have a permanent address and I would live life as unattached to things and places as possible. My girls already know that as soon as I have them safely and securely moved out someday, that I'm going to take a walk...... for a couple of months, a year, what ever works out. I think they understand this about me and all they asked for at this point in time, is a few phone calls and perhaps a postcard or two.

Five years. I can wait~~

5 Additional Thoughts:

I instictively knew once Spring came into bloom and summer announced it's arrival, you would be incognito until Autumn (my excuse for being a slacker at letter writing)...
I admit a few times in the middle of these home improvements, I wished you would of pulled in my driveway and I could of escaped to the mtns. with you. This has been the summer of my discontent.

I would love to have the adventure of the mtn.'s been years since I've allowed myself to the abandonment of the woods. In all honesty, my deafness would hold me back, then again there is a time to transcend even that limitation.

5 years huh? Hmm I'm writing it on my calendar sometime after the 5 year mark, Rebecca and I are going off on an adventure together *winks*. Hey you never know it could happen. I'll be 48 but what the heck, age stands still for me. (Hugs)Indigo

October 21, 2008 8:59 AM  

"bounce a quarter off my ass" Oh so that's why guys are staring at it in the check out line.

LOL. When are you ever home unless it's to fight off the squirrel invasion.

October 21, 2008 9:03 AM  

I am glad your walkabout was good for the soul. 5 years for a good long one... but then the grands will come and from what I hear - you will want to be near them!

be well...

October 21, 2008 12:40 PM  

Your Henry David Thoreau summers make me green with envy.

October 23, 2008 6:35 PM  

I can't believe I missed this entry. I am indeed envious of your summer treks.
If you ever make it to Michigan, we'll go canoeing, not as strenuous maybe, but the same feeling, the connection is definitely there!
:) Leigh

October 29, 2008 9:01 PM  

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